sexual identity

Who wants to hear the ranting sob story of a hopeless romantic finding himself in the ongoing cycle of “straight crushes?” I’ve mentioned on many occasions that I want to be with “a man.” This is not to evoke gender roles of society, but rather, it means I find myself attracted to people possessing predominately masculine furies. Risking the stereotype, I must confess these chaps aren’t the majority of the mix when one decides to venture into the gay arena of clubs and social nightlife.

Closet cases, self-proclaimed bisexuals and other bent guys on the “DL,” often catch my eyes but threaten my heart and in extreme instances have threatened my very life.

So, in this entry “Be Gay and Love,” is not meant to call back to the end of my earlier entree, but is left as a reminder to every reader that one can be “Gay,” (both happy and queer) and remain an embodiment of “Love,” to all those who remain conflicted and curious. Offering a short confession, I know first hand many, many, many men like this who seek therapy correction, are tossed out of their homes for eventual honesty or choose to live a lie only to ruin a marriage 32 years later. In these days the gay society, while often readily associated with promiscuity, should not be judged for simply searching for their John.

And to be topical, if a political figure not unlike Sarah Palin can achieve recognition for coining a word appropriate to an instance, then the common everyday Johns should receive at least moderate recognition for their ability to recognize and refute the current sexual status quo and repudiate themselves from the indoctrinated population while we all expedite the oncoming revolution and readily embrace the meaning of “machiavellianism.”

-Nicholas Dale Taylor

People become paralyzed when they first consider a new taste. Whether bitter-sweet or tangy and hot could the first entry ever be the greatest? Rarely, does a new comer open a menu for the first time in a newly acclaimed restaurant, point, and say, “I’ll have that,” and then continue eating the same thing for the rest of his or her life. Such is the case with lust, love and romance. I have come to hope that such a case for monogamous eats may still exist for some modern chivalric exchange which springs forth into a shared bite and blossoms beyond the mental attraction and commitment, but like any man who is me, I know different.

Recently, I confessed an origin of anxiety. A couple of nights ago I was having a smoke with a hot babe friend of mine. Into the night it was noticed I was visibly shaking all over from head to toe as if I was suffering from mild hypothermia minus the teeth chattering. As it wasn’t cold, I pin pointed where it was coming from. I knew this babe had expressed interest in me but simply couldn’t, “go there.” Enough with ambiguities, this was a woman.

The next day I confessed my dilemma and with anxiety out the window reminisced of a time in Memphis when I unintentionally triggered such an instance with my fellow-man, yes, a man.

Bottom line, we’re all sexual beings and most of us at one time or another find ourselves attracted to the same gender or opposite gender regardless of our “preference.” It’s how we face these situations that help us as individuals, a nation, and ultimately a planet of sexual people. Repression always comes out sideways and when bombarding bullying results in spiking rates in teen suicides it means the deadline for acceptance and tolerance has passed. Everyone does their part, conscious or not, “Are you part of the problem or are you part of the solution?”

As Liam Neeson speaks in his wonderful portrayal of Alfred Kinsey, “Everybody’s sin is nobody’s sin, and everybody’s crime is no crime at all.” Be gay (which also means happy, remember?) and love.

-Nicholas Dale Taylor